Maximizing the Benefits of Marriage Counseling

As a marriage counselor, my goal is to support you in building a healthy, fulfilling relationship.

What does a healthy and fulfilling relationship look like?

That’s ultimately for you to define.

Often, couples seek better communication and a sense of closeness, hoping to reduce feelings of disconnection and improve understanding. Marriage counseling can help you work toward a stronger connection and less conflict.

However, your goals may differ, so being open and honest about what you want is essential.

1. Be Honest

Share openly about where you truly stand in your relationship. For instance, if part of you feels committed and part of you doesn’t, that’s okay—being transparent helps your counselor guide you more effectively. Counseling provides a safe space to express feelings you might otherwise hold back, especially frustrations. When couples withhold the truth, it can slow progress, so embracing honesty is key.

2. Be Open to Change

To help you build a deeper connection, your counselor may encourage you to try new approaches. This can feel challenging, as change is often uncomfortable. If specific advice doesn’t seem to work for you, that’s okay—share that, but stay open to exploring alternative methods. Counselors aim to introduce fresh tools, new perspectives, and better habits, so don’t hesitate to give something different a chance, even if it feels awkward at first.

3. Listen to Your Partner

While it may seem obvious, listening—really listening—is vital. If your partner brings up a difficult issue, they’re likely doing it in hopes of improving the relationship. Listen with an intent to understand, not to respond. This approach helps make counseling more successful.

4. Communicate Respectfully

If you want your partner to listen, it’s crucial to communicate respectfully. Even if you’re angry, express it constructively. For example, say, “When you did ____, I felt angry,” instead of hurtful language. Counselors work to create an environment where both partners feel heard and can learn to communicate respectfully.

5. Practice What You Learn

After each session, review any notes or resources your counselor provides. Applying even a few of these new strategies consistently can yield meaningful improvements in your relationship. Perfection isn’t required—just make an effort to practice.

6. Be a Hero, Not a Victim

Strive to be the hero of your relationship, knowing that with the right guidance, you can reach your relationship goals. Seeing yourself as a victim keeps you stuck; when both partners take responsibility and work to make changes, they both become heroes of the relationship. Unhealthy relationships often involve victim mindsets, whereas healthy relationships thrive on empowerment.

In conclusion, marriage counseling can be transformative for couples willing to invest time and effort. With honesty, openness, respectful communication, consistent practice, and a commitment to growth, you’ll maximize the benefits of counseling and build a vibrant, lasting relationship. Embrace the process—you may find yourselves with a healthier, happier marriage!